As I walk down the street with a hood over my head, suddenly I hear footsteps, the crackle of the snow. I look behind me. Not because I want to see who is behind me but because I was scared or I should say startled. I think the young teen boy behind me sensed my unease as he walked past me. Perhaps understanding why women always look at the sound of footsteps behind them. It got me thinking of all the times like this when I was walking down the street as the sunset. Even during the winter in Canada when it becomes dark at 5 p.m. I look behind me periodically as I walk because as women this is something we must do. When I think of men like Harvey Weinstein. I ask the question will women ever feel safe?
It’s somewhere downtown in the financial district. I’m working in an office and the men are freely talking about my looks, my body. At the time I didn’t think it was a big deal. I then think of the time when I was a teenager and I worked at a car dealership and all the sexual innuendos that were normalized in this setting. I was told that this is the environment you have to accept with boys and cars. I also think of the times when I would walk into a recording studio at midnight because this is when he preferred to record. I think of my sister and I walking into a room full of men not there to work or create. In some way, they wanted to make us feel like we needed them. At any given moment they would take liberties with how they felt they could speak to us – always leading to something sexual.
It’s a warm summer evening and the sun has now set. I’m walking over the bridge because I’ve decided I want to go to the grocery store so I can pick up a few things. I know I have to walk quickly because it will be dark soon. As I leave the grocery store I begin to feel a little uneasy. Not because I think that my neighbourhood is dangerous per se but simply because I just never know who is lurking under the bridge or in the bushes or in the trees. As men walk by with their dogs I feel uneasy. This is not a feeling that I would have at 12-noon during the day. With each step I take I look over my shoulder every now and then just to make sure; I walk a little faster.
The reality is for thousands of years women have felt vulnerable. To be honest, as much as we’d like to believe differently, I think we always will be. There are women around the world who are experiencing things that even I myself couldn’t even imagine or digest. Being a woman means you are vulnerable and to be honest never completely safe. It doesn’t matter if our faiths or ethnicities are different. Simply because we are women we must always watch our backs.
The reality is, there isn’t just one solution because in any given environment as a woman you will feel the need to protect yourself, your sexuality, your femininity and simply just your very presence. So I wonder, and I am sure you have asked yourself this question, will women ever feel safe? For every Harvey Weinstein, there are thousands more. Someone in your neighbourhood, working at the bank, your supervisor or maybe the guy who delivers your mail. The guy that says he loves you and then one day becomes someone you fear. I have these conversations with my friends about how to change the way we as a society need to address the important issues of women and safety and their right to feel safe as human beings.
I realize, this is just what it is, the only way we will ever feel safe is if we protect ourselves, each other. More importantly, if we protect each other and educate each other and help each other navigate through life so we can make better decisions and not feel that we need to, in any way, allow a man to use our sexuality or vulnerability to push us to do things in order to get ahead. No one should feel the need to comprise themselves as they toe the line between their dreams and self-integrity. It shouldn’t be set up this way but it is and it has been for a long time. The casting couch exists in every industry, even in the places you would never think. Men using their power, their knowledge, their access to demean women and make them feel like the only way down the yellow brick road where dreams become a reality is to go against their better judgment; not protect themselves.
We need to help each other more, we need to support each other and more importantly, we as women need to raise our sons in a way that they understand that just like them and their valued safety and how they walk around free in the world. That that girl, their mother, their sister and their daughter, have the right to be safe. Have the right to pursue their dreams without their bodies on the line. Have the right to be empowered without feeling the need to scream.
Just like the boys, we have every right to our rights and just like the boys we deserve to be safe. I think then of the young boys who are also victims at the hands of these grown men who think everyone’s life, is like a big chess game. Rather than using what they have been given for good they use it to make themselves feel validated. They play off everyone’s need to feel validated, accepted and wanted. The truth is we all want someone to believe in us, give us a chance. I would like to say that this will change but I know the reality as do the women long ago. Will you ever feel safe?
The only way we will ever feel safe is if we stand together and create a support system for women. When we are in positions where we can help other women I think it’s important for us to do so. I think we should never remain silent or allow other women to walk into the flames that once burned our spirits. We need to raise better human beings. Teach them about self-love and integrity. That there’s value in being kind and leading with love. That nothing in life is worth compromising yourself and that there is no power in torture or pain.
