The cliche answers to this are to get back up or make lemonade out of lemons and keep going and put one foot in front of the other. It’s all true and pretty much the first step towards climbing yourself out of a bad situation. You have to keep on going no matter what because life doesn’t stop for ANYONE. People will move on and as bad as the pain is time won’t stand still for you because you feel it should. Time only gives you the opportunity to make changes, to grow and to learn. Time requires acceptance. In fact, we will spend our whole lives dancing with time. Holding on to moments, holding on to the people that filled those moments, trying to slow time down, trying to make it go faster and wishing we could rewind the clock if only for a second because…it just seems there’s never enough time and at the same time there’s just too much. When life knocks you down when you are at your lowest low, doesn’t it feel like time is moving too slowly? When will this end? How do I get through this? So you count down the days, the seconds, the minutes, the hours waiting for time to hurry up so you can step into happier times again. You fill your day with things to do or perhaps delve deeper into work as a distraction. This is what you do when life knocks you down. You keep on going, like a robot. You keep doing what’s need to do to make whatever has happened to you seems like it’s miles away.
The funny thing about time is that it doesn’t matter how fast or slow it’s moving if you don’t do the emotional work needed to truly move on. In order to move forward into a new time, better times, you need to face, whatever those demons are to you. Whatever has you running will go with you everywhere if you don’t take some time, while time is moving, to evaluate the situation and what you can learn from it. Even if you can’t answer the why, you need to face it head on and work towards forgiveness, acceptance, whatever is needed to truly allow time to heal your heart and enrich your soul.
The Emotional Knockout
We can hop on a plane and go to far off places, change everything that reminds us of that awful time and person or moment. We can start a new job, quit a job, get a new lover, lose weight, get a new hairstyle, change everything and anything to keep us going. Unfortunately, the faster we run the closer the past catches up with us. No matter where you go the pain may still linger like a rain cloud. Even in the prettiest of places with the best views, you will ever see in your lifetime there will be parts of you that are still stuck back there. Back in a time when your foundation was shattered by something or someone. I don’t believe in putting on a band-aid on emotional pain and simply moving on. It seems like the best solution but if you are currently doing this right now you will know it’s the worst decision you can make. It’s okay to feel those feelings. It’s okay to be hurt and angry. It’s okay to take the time you need to digest what just happened. You don’t have to be strong nor do you have to pretend. Maybe it’s no one’s business what’s going on with you but it certainly is your business and you need to tend to it right away. You need to know understanding your feelings will help you push through them. It’s also okay to get help, seek help or talk to someone, just don’t cover it up. There’s nothing worse than waking up in the middle of the night and realizing that everything in your life has changed except you. Whether you’re still angry or you still carry resentment or pain from past events. All of this is chases you. When life knocks you down, its the emotional knockout, this is the hardest part to get through. The emotional knockout, the residuals from this will go everywhere with you. Your life may seem somewhat better. Your career may be on an upswing. At least on the outside, everything is okay. You may find a new lover and start a new life. Keep it moving as they say. Here’s the thing, the most important change that must take place is within you. It’s that emotional baggage that will prevent you from loving deeply, dreaming fearlessly and remaining open to what life presents you.
It’s the emotional knockout that we need to start talking about. Yes, we know that everything will be okay at some point but it’s not okay right now and you’re not crazy. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do. I will say feel those feelings, don’t deny them but remember the answer isn’t to get lost in them either. Whether you are moving or standing still you will have to eventually allow yourself to let go. Let go. You will have to come to a place where only acceptance lives. Whatever you do don’t run and don’t cover it up. What we all need to face, the things we run away from or cover-up with a band-aid will find a way back to the surface. All of a sudden when life is going great, so you think, there it is again in some way sabotaging your present moment. Whether it’s through your actions towards others or the decisions you are making as a result of this past imprint you left hanging in the balance. Face it now so you can face something better later.
The weight of your emotions should never be ignored. When your heart is shattered it needs more than a quick patch up, it needs mending. Take the time, the source of your healing is within you.
The Light Is Within You
I am sure many of you have heard this before. Look within. It’s simple yet complicated. It’s hard to face ourselves. It’s hard to recognize our faults, particularly the ones that start within. Internal warts survive and grow bigger and bigger. Their survival is dependent our denial. Their survival is dependent on our inability to work on ourselves. Beyond what people see, this is you, this is where you live. I know it’s a lot to take in. Even though, no matter what you believe in, we all know that fear, hate, anger, resentment, self-sabotage, blissful ignorance, denial, lack of accountability, deception, etc…this is you, it’s all of us. It starts with you whether you are alone, coupled or surrounded by thousands of people. Everywhere you go, those warts go with you, everywhere you go, there you are.
I guess this answers the what to do? It starts with you. Yes, keep moving, don’t give up on life because life definitely doesn’t want to give up on you. While you are putting one foot in front of the other take the moments, steal them if you have to (figuratively speaking), and spend that one on one time to heal yourself. If you don’t want to go at it alone find someone who you trust, someone who gets it, to help you. Read books, take up meditation or take on a self-wellness practice. Whatever is needed to help you to get to the root of the problem or help you truly let go, move on and forgive.
If you are going through this right now and wondering where to start, I just gave you the answer. Don’t look anywhere else before you look within. You’re lucky if you figured this out a long time ago. Understanding this process and actively doing it will save you from some really bad decisions and from repeating the same mistakes and learning the same lesson over and over again until it sticks. In the beginning, it won’t be easy but the more you do it you will find that it’s the best place to go when life doesn’t make sense. It’s the best place to go when you are faced with difficult decisions. Trust your intuition, trust your gut.
It Always Gets Better If You Let it.
I remember a few years back when I was going through my own mini crisis I was fortunate enough to have the support of a great mentor. I remember one conversation we had when he said “do you not want it to get better?…like why are you so attached to the bad outcome that’s already happened?…Do you not want something better?” I remember thinking of course I do, but did I? The truth is, as much as I said I wanted things to get better I wasn’t letting this happen. My mind was still stuck, I kept going over things in my mind and the feelings attached to those thoughts, taking it with me everywhere. Not realizing I was inadvertently impeding the good. Your mind needs to be in tune with your present moment to fully live in the moment.
The desire to see a better day requires your full attention. This desire must be deliberate, unwavering. Your mind can’t linger in the past. It’s time to step out of that room and shut the door. Take the lesson and hold onto the forgiveness. You can do this. If you want it to get better, you have to let it. So feel those feelings, ask the questions that are meant for you to answer. We are only accountable for ourselves and the things we do. Accept what’s beyond your control. Embrace what’s there to help you move forward. Ask yourself, do I want things to get better? If so, then what are you doing to make this happen?
