What kind of mom do you want to be? This is a question I’ve been asking myself for longer than I can remember. I am sure it’s something you have asked yourself as well. Definitely longer than I’ve been a mother, and far before I got pregnant. Shit, before I even got married, or met my husband, I was asking myself what kind of mom I want to be. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, so its natural that I would want to obsess over the details. But the answer isn’t easy to come by. It’s doesn’t really come to you until you have kids, and even when you do, you’re always growing as a mother, as a person, so the answer is constantly evolving. What you want changes therefore what you want for your family will change. The modern mom is always under construction.
My Life As A New Mama
I’ve got it easy right now. I got blessed with a really chill baby. He’s got such a great disposition. He’s at a stage where he’s just learning to laugh and it’s so much fun. He still sleeps, a lot. Which means I get caught up on my sleep. I get to cook every day without worrying about time or rushing and I LOVE that. I spend my days going for quiet walks with him and my dog Bruce. I’m in the infant bubble and it’s glorious but he won’t be this easy forever. All moms know this. I give so much credit to moms with toddlers, and to the moms with multiples, you ladies are the real deal!
Eventually, I’ll go back to work, and I’ll be juggling a toddler who is on the move, commuting, running the house and a full-time job. If he goes to daycare he’ll no doubt bring back God knows what germs and take the whole house down for weeks as the virus makes its way through my family. I’ll be honest, it scares me. I’ve been saying for years that I only want one kid because quite frankly that shit just looks really hard and I don’t think I can sign up for a second tour.
The Many Phases Of Motherhood
Recently, because of all this downtime, I have been spending a lot of time researching the next phase of motherhood/baby development. My googling has been geared towards understanding how my child will change so that I can understand how I must change. I’m trying to stay two steps ahead, but at times it can really hinder me from living in the now, so I am constantly trying to find a balance. Throughout my searching and navigating I came across an article by a childless woman who can’t procreate. Bibi Lynch wrote “Mother’s Stop Moaning” for The Guardian in 2012. In it, she persecutes mothers for complaining about their many problems as she shares every intimate detail of the suffering that is living a childless life. As a mom, it really gets you from the first word.
It’s hard not to take some offence when she talks about identity loss, isolation, desolation and tells us that our problems are surmountable and finite. Just like everyone else, moms have problems, and just like everyone else, they don’t always feel finite in the moment. Days can feel long. Weeks can turn into months and before you know it, it’s fucking Christmas again! When did that happen? But it’s when she drops the colossal truth that, as a mother, we are the luckiest people on earth, that her side really falls into place. We get to experience the purest love there is. It’s a love that brings our entire existence into perspective. It’s fulfilling and scary and emotional and it’s worth every second. That doesn’t mean it isn’t exhausting, of course, but nothing worth doing is ever easy.
For The Love Of Motherhood
Reading the rantings of a woman who so blatantly admits to her jealousy of what I have and as a result, she has changed the way I think of motherhood. I’m not as scared anymore. I’m good with what’s to come. I’m thankful. I get the privilege of witnessing Lucas develop into the person he’s going to become, and not only do I get to witness it, but I also get to be the biggest part of it. There are, as Lynch puts it, “women out there who will never know the love we know. Never love the way we love. Never be loved the way we are loved.” She made me feel grateful and heartbroken all at once and it made me realize that above all else, I want to be a grateful mom.
I want to remember, even during the most stressful of times, that I had the privilege of bringing a life into this world, and because of that, there is someone to whom I mean the most. That’s not something everyone gets to experience. I might not know what kind of mother I am going to become, but I do know that I’m grateful to be a mother, and I think that’s probably a good place to start.
