Last week I did a post called the boyfriends you wish you never knew. This week I decided to do a post to not only create balance but another viewpoint for both men and women. Perhaps as a woman, this is how you have been in a relationship. It’s good to see the ways you behave that may be sabotaging your love life. No one is perfect. I see this more as a way to grow and improve for all genders rather than something negative. The girlfriend you wish you could be can also be a useful tool to reference when you think of your relationships that have failed.
It’s easy to look at this from one perspective, yours, but then you don’t learn and stay in the same place. Perhaps dating the same person over and over again. If the boyfriends you wish you never knew is a long list. You might want to start to look at the choices you make and why you keep ending up with the same guy with a different story. Before you say that I am blaming you for dating a shitty guy. Sure, no one wants to date someone that treats them badly. You definitely don’t deserve this. From my experience, I will say that we often make choices that aren’t good us. Not just in life in general but when it comes to the partner we choose to love. When you recognize that you have a CHOICE, you will set yourself free.
I mentioned in my last post. I can already hear you saying out loud “we can’t choose who we love”. Well, no, but we can decide if we let them in our lives. This is a choice. Love doesn’t mean you must endure and suffer. Loving someone also means you can let them go. Loving someone is loving yourself so much that you won’t let anything or anyone love you less
Use Your Words
From an early age, women are often told to sit down and look pretty. Don’t say a word. Men don’t like women who have too much to say. It scares them away. It’s not that you never had a voice, it’s just been suppressed. When you are in a relationship, it’s so important to communicate your desires. You can’t assume people get it or can read your mind. What do you want? What works for you? What isn’t working for you? Use your words. This is very scary for many women. You fear that you might lose him or spoil the mood. There just never is a good time is there?
What I have learned from my experiences is that someone who truly cares about you wants to know how you feel. They won’t shut you down or make you feel crazy for expressing your feelings. I want you to start to use that voice of yours to get the relationship you want and deserve. You do not have to submit to another person’s demands. Stop believing that this is the type of person you need to be in order to be loved. Solid partnerships require good communication.
Remember, to follow through your words with actions. You can avoid a lot of confusion later. No one will take you seriously if you say one thing and do the complete opposite. Even if your intentions are good or if you are trying to keep the peace between you and your lover. If you’re not at peace and it doesn’t feel right for you then it’s not good enough to stay silent or keep things as is to appease them.
Talk it out, not just with your girls, but with HIM. Don’t hold it in until you can’t take it anymore. Deal with it right away, even if it changes the mood. Fuck the mood. Every girl’s biggest fear, ruining a good day…what about how his poor treatment has ruined days, weeks or years.? Deal with it
Don’t Change Yourself For…
Don’t Change Yourself for him, them or anyone. Change because it’s something you need to do. If you have to change just to fit into someone else’s life then chances are you aren’t a good fit. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t evolve as a person. Self-improvement is a continuous journey. If the changes made are supporting your personal growth and well-being then these are good changes. If you have to pretend to be someone you’re not then it will never be worth it. If you have to give up on the things and people you love, this is not the right person for you.
It’s natural to make adjustments in life as well as in relationships. This is what going with the flow of life dictates. When you don’t go with the flow, you resist and a lot of times suffer emotionally. This is why it’s important to let go. There is a big difference between letting go so you can move on to better things or to a much more heightened level of self. Then giving up because you need to make someone feel validated. The girl you want to be know’s that she won’t give up on herself just to be loved. She knows that who she is and who she wants to be is worth knowing.
Don’t Accept What You Shouldn’t
If you know it’s wrong, then why are you accepting it? This actually relates to don’t change for…him, them or bullshit. We can’t control how others behave but we have to understand that our acceptance validates it. In addition, people treat you the way you let them, even if it’s shitty. If you keep going back them or keep your mouth shut, you can’t expect change to occur. Take control of your life. Leave if you have to.
I know it’s hard and leaving isn’t always easy. You have probably thought of the many reasons you should stay. What about all the reasons you need to leave? Hold those reasons in higher regard. Hold yourself in higher regard than staying in something toxic. You can’t fix everything. You can definitely fix yourself. You will also find yourself one day soon in a happy, healthy and loving relationship. If you accept one thing about love, it’s that not everyone we think we should love wants to receive it.
