I thought this was a 2014 issue (it’s now 2015!), where you don’t exactly know whether or not you are exclusive with the person you are dating. I would like to thank Carrie Bradshaw for reminding me that this is just an ongoing issue women have always dealt with and will continue to deal with.
In this episode Carrie bumps into BIG having dinner at the same restaurant where she is having dinner with the girls. BIG is on a date with another girl. In Carrie’s mind, she is the only girl in his life. Although they hadn’t DTR’d the relationship it appeared to her that they were exclusive. Much to her surprise, this was not the case because BIG who took the run in quite well, felt it was appropriate to introduce his date to Carrie like it was no big deal. Of course, Carrie played it off as if she didn’t care, but the truth is she did. I cried for her like many of you watching this episode. When is it a good time to have the are we exclusive talk? You don’t want to come off needy or crazy but you are sleeping together and maybe it’s been months. I think most women can agree that you have chosen to say nothing out of fear. You would also like him to bring it up. It all depends on what works for you but you do have the right to know if there is someone else in the picture. No one should take this right away from you and not just for emotional reasons but for health reasons. Hey buddy…are you sleeping with other women? You have the green light to ask this question at anytime. Above anything else protect your health there is nothing worse than finding out at the clinic you aren’t exclusive. This also applies to you and you should be honest if you are involved with other people. The I am ‘sleeping around’ talk should happen day one! Some of you may disagree but in this hook-up culture we are currently in most people don’t wait to get to know someone before they hit the sheets. It’s actually better to assume you are not the only one in the beginning; therefore PROTECT yourself.
So it’s been a few months now and you really like…let’s call him Elvis. You and Elvis spend a lot time together and you even have a toothbrush at his house (toothbrush status how stoked are you?). You are head over heels in chemical like/love with Elvis and have told all the other guys to get lost. You are committed to him and you are pretty certain he is the guy for you. The question is: Are you the girl for him? Has he told the list of women who once messaged him for a late night romp that he has found the girl? Are you certain that he feels the same way? Does he know how you feel? You ask your girlfriends and in unison they tell you not to say a word because it may push him away. If you are okay sitting in the grey area then say nothing. I don’t advise this because you may end up like Carrie in the restaurant. It’s better to know than assume what’s going and he may have the same feelings. It’s all about the approach. For example, what I would say is “I really like spending time with you, so much so I am not seeing anyone else. I just wanted you to know that I think you are great and I would like to see where this goes.” I am just stating my feelings not the feelings I would like him to have but I am allowing him and I to have a conversation about our situation without coming off aggressive.
Remember right now these are your feelings, you still really don’t know if he feels the same way. So tell him how you feel without imposing your ideas on him. Let him tell you in his own words how he sees things. He may feel the same way or he may reveal that he isn’t quite there yet or that he is still exploring options. I believe if you seek honesty in others you have to exude the same quality (I know there are some serial liars out there, you now who you are…no shade!). Assuming this guy is on the up and up you should be able to have a simple conversation so you both have clarity. If what he says doesn’t work for you move on. Don’t stick around in misery because I feel it is the worst thing anyone can do. It sucks to move on from someone you care about, but if they just aren’t ready or can’t give you what you want don’t anchor yourself to them because you may be missing out on someone who would be happily exclusive with ONLY YOU.
So in a nutshell, as Carrie found out and as you may find out spending a lot of time together doesn’t mean you are together unless you have had the talk. Until then I say go grab a drink with your girls, turn up the music and sing as loud as you can. Don’t spend your life worrying about being wanted by someone who is unsure. You are a sure thing and you are worth more than you know.
Take Away: The Cosmopolitan
1 1/2 ounce Vodka or Citrus Vodka
1 ounce Contrineau Orange Liquer
1/2 ounce fresh lime juice
Photo courtesy of: giphy via televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com
