It’s great to see women coming together to support each other. I love that being kind to other women is cool and celebrated. We are all in this together..aren’t we?! This isn’t a feminism article, it’s more about the sisterhood and the way that women treat each other when they aren’t wearing their I’m a feminist shirt. She’s not your girlfriend when she’s secretly sleeping with your boyfriend or husband knowing you exist. She certainly isn’t your girlfriend if she doesn’t know that having each other’s backs isn’t selective. In my opinion, you can’t say you support women if you have no issue being part of the destruction of a home/life she has built with her significant other.
I know he told you that he’s just not happy anymore. She lost her spark and that he feels like he settled. You feel that you can give him what she can’t. She’s crazy and you believe him. How could she treat such a wonderful man so horribly? You create this false narrative in your head about someone you have never met. Someone who’s struggles you don’t understand. You stand by this to justify your actions that go against everything about what being a true supporter of women means. She’s not your sister and you’re not a good girlfriend in any sense of the word if you think this is okay. You are just the side dish that no one really ever finishes, they just pick at it if they are still hungry. If you think otherwise you are foolish. This is how you are being treated and what you are accepting.
What happened to girl code?
I think the meaning of girl code has been blurred. There are many women who pick and choose when it applies to them. This is an issue and I feel it transfers onto our ability to truly help each other excel. It creates an environment where we want to help each other yet we don’t trust each other. What is girl code? Simplified, girl code is standing beside each other without question; having each other’s backs. In other words, it’s uncouth to sleep with another woman’s partner. Further, you don’t go after what’s not yours and you shouldn’t make excuses such as he’s not into her anymore. Or he wants me and she’s crazy anyway or it’s not my problem. Trust me, it will become your problem when it happens to you.
All isn’t fair in love, but it’s up to you to maintain integrity. Upholding girl code is having enough sense, whether you like her or not, to walk away from someone who is coupled. I understand where you are coming from, it’s easy to get manipulated into believing one person’s side of the story. In my opinion, this is a red flag. Imagine what they would say about you if the tables were turned. What if it was you and she was you…the other woman?
If he’s with someone else…back off!
If you meet someone, they’re in a relationship, they’re getting out of a relationship and still talk to her (most likely still sleeping with her) or still living with her…basically she’s still in the picture, do yourself and her a favour and walk away. This isn’t just about hurt feelings, this about upholding girl code and truly building a strong sisterhood. It’s hard to stick together if the scheming continues to happen, particularly where matters of the heart are concerned. There nothing more powerful than love, it can bring people together but it can also cause great emotional turmoil and destruction.
I have met many women who don’t trust other women as a result of feeling slighted by situations like this. Unfortunately, this energy dictates how they treat other women and their inability to help when needed. If this is you, just know that you should never let anyone take away your ability to be a good person or help whenever you can. I know it’s hard. Social media has made it even easier for people to cross the line. It easy to send someone who’s in a relationship direct messages without their partner ever finding out. It’s easier to pursue and gain access to most people. I definitely don’t place the blame solely on women but I do think that it’s our responsibility to each other to uphold girl code whenever possible.
We don’t have to know each other personally. One thing we all have in common is that we know what it feels like. Whether it’s a friend or a lover, being betrayed and knowing that the individuals involved knew what they were doing and didn’t care sucks. A friend of mine and I were talking about this and she expressed her dismay about the lack of girl code. She just couldn’t believe that even when she voiced her opinion to some girls, they just didn’t care. The thing is, they should because it’s just as much their issue. They too may one day find themselves blind sided by the same scenario.
You can’t control what other people do, nor can you always pick who you love. Love is a choice just as much as it is a feeling. If you want a good loving relationship it’s up to you to choose wisely. I hope you choose someone who picks you and only you. I hope the kind of love you are looking for isn’t at the expense of someone else. Good girlfriends are hard to come by. Even if you don’t know her you can still be the best friend she always wished she had from a far; this is kind of girl you should strive to be.
