You probably love Drake’s latest single, Nice For What, as much as I do. If you are a true music connoisseur, you will know that the female vocalist heard throughout this song is Lauryn Hill. For those who don’t know, Ex-Factor (the song sampled) is a song from Hill’s critically-acclaimed solo album, The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill.
This song got me thinking… well, as you guys know I am always thinking about something, about what “nice for what” means for women. For as long I can remember and I am sure many of you can relate. Young girls and women are told to be nice in order to get what they want in life. We are told to smile, put on some lipstick, be polite, ask little and never show behavior that may be viewed as aggressive because this is not what women should do. Women are supposed to smile and sit pretty. It’s our job to make the men in the room feel comfortable and good about themselves even at our expense.
I believe kindness should be a valued currency where human behavior is concerned. Being open and vulnerable is so important when cultivating relationships with people. I think you can be kind in business but that doesn’t mean you can’t be smart. Many women in business get taken advantage of because their kindness becomes their weakness. This ingrained ‘act pretty, play nice’ mentality proves detrimental to their emotional well-being and at times career success and mobility. Further, it creates fear. Fear to ask for what you want and what you deserve. Our worth becomes something we question based on someone’s opinion of what good enough is. We witness men in the same field as us voice their opinions and desires passionately and confidently. Our passionate and confident tone is more often than not deemed as aggressive and pushy. We are told to settle down, sit down and listen.
Our beauty is a commodity that is praised and admonished at the same time. Nobody wants to work with the so-called ‘pretty girl’ who knows what she wants when she walks in the room. Who knows when to ask questions, when to say no and ask what’s in it for her and why she should say yes. I have asked myself this question and if you have felt this way, as a woman, I am sure you have asked yourself, nice for what?
We don’t put our lipstick on for you. We put it on for ourselves remember that.
Of course, people want to work with people they enjoy being around, particularly in most creatives fields. Creating something with people requires synergy. You must be on the same wavelength energetically speaking in order to put what’s needed into a project. The problem arises, particularly, in the case of women, is with this notion that you must be sweet and kind no matter what. As women, our desire isn’t just to be heard, it’s to be respected. We want respect and we shouldn’t have to play nice to get it. We do not want to be an object in a space that never serves a purpose greater than what’s required from what us. Women have a purpose.
I talk about kindness and compassion quite a lot of on this site. I want you to know that there is a difference between kindness and playing yourself small. You can build the life you want for yourself and you do not have to apologize for doing what’s needed to make it happen. Surround yourself with people who strive to nourish the greatness within you. Who see value in what you bring to the table. Your strength is in recognizing your worth. Remember, people will believe what you show them.
I can’t think of a better song to start a new equinox with than this one. Nice For What might be your new motto from here on out. Embrace the bold and wonderful woman that you are. For the men who read this site, know that just because she knows what she wants and how to get. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have a heart of gold. There’s nothing better than loving a person who knows their worth and loves themselves.
