I don’t think most people think about this when they are holding on to a principle. Some of you might say when you are in the midst of a disagreement, oh, it’s the principle. The principle of what? Is the principle only beneficial for you? What value do you place on being right over letting go? Perhaps your principles lead you to nowhere but feeling isolated and angry? I often think about this when I have a stubborn moment. When I’m stuck in the way that I think things ought to be. The rules that I have set in my mind and the belief that I must follow them. How does being right make you feel? Even if these set boundaries, rules, or principles cause grief and generally don’t make you feel good?
So what is the benefit of holding on so tightly to principles that don’t prove to have a positive holistic outcome? A positive outcome in terms of how you feel, how other people around you feel, and also the totality of the situation? How can we lead to solutions that create movement and change if we hold on to principles and beliefs simply because we made-up rules in our heads that we decided we’re right and now we are going to follow?
What is it worth to you, being right? Does this keep you up at night? Are you happy in your righteousness? I don’t think anybody is. I think the happiest people are those who are open. Individuals who can see a 360 view in any given situation. Individuals who are willing to give in to vulnerability and change. And perhaps being wrong and letting go of what they perceive something should be, would be, or ought to be.
It is our perception of being right and the rules we govern ourselves by based on this that at times creates internal turmoil that is unnecessary. It creates a break in a relationship that could otherwise be strong if one let go of their desire to be stubborn and stuck in the principle-based views that only serve them. What kind of person are you? How do you feel when you leave a disagreement? How do you feel when life confronts you with change? How do you feel when life tells you that everything that you believe and the way in which you have been living is no longer conducive to your current reality? Do you feel better to remain stuck and fearful? I understand your principles and the rules and the belief that you have set have been your comfort, your guide through life up to this point.
On the one hand, its proven beneficial for you perhaps in your career. But how does this mindset work when we are dealing with matters of the heart? How does the principle-based mind conduct itself in the flow of love and intimacy? I think you are well aware that this mindset does not work when we are dealing with intimate human relationships whether it be a lover, a friend, or a family member. In moments like this, it is time for us to lay down the set rules that we govern ourselves by, perhaps in the boardroom to make big business deals or to transcend an industry.
I don’t think many of us confront ourselves when we are in the throes of our personal ideology. That we ourselves are the reason that we feel this internal struggle. And if not pain or grief or fear and anxiety when things don’t go our way. It is a hard struggle for us to discern because we spend so much of our time under the guise of our own personal life rulebook. When real human connection takes place, the rulebook must be thrown away if you don’t want to suffer. You must allow yourself to be free.
Set yourself free so you can truly experience what it is to connect with other beings. People who don’t think like you. People who don’t look like you and people who have different stories that have made them who they are and perhaps can show you a different way to see the world. So the next time you are in an argument with your friend your family or your lover or you are feeling insecure in a relationship. And you have decided to put up a wall because of your rules that you live by. Because you like to be right, right? Ask yourself are you happy?
