We have come to the end of your Four Part Q & A with dating coach Dan Bacon. We covered the importance of confidence, how to cultivate attraction and playing it nice (the whole nice guy theory). I thought I would include some extra tips from Bacon. Some things you may or may not know. Matters of the heart are very perplexing and it’s good we have people like Bacon helping you navigate through it all. It’s true, modern times, compared to when your parents dated, are very different. Formalities have been thrown out the window. Although, for many this is great, it’s also created a complex web that leaves many people feeling stuck and alone. Whether we want to admit it or not. Whether we are enjoying the single life, having the time of our life. There is something amazing about having someone special to share it with. When the music ends, and the lights go up and you make your way home you can’t escape that nagging feeling and innate need for companionship. Not all the money or success in the world will change this. It’s part of who we are as beings and it’s important for us to understand this. A GOOD companionship will enrich your life in magnificent ways if you let it. So I hope you are on your way to experiencing this; good love is a wonderful gift.
TTIWIK:What are some of the worst excuses men use, as to why they never have successful relationships?
DAN: The worst excuse is that lifelong relationships and marriages have now become obsolete and that most women only get married to screw a guy over by taking half of his money in a divorce settlement.
It’s very easy to focus on the negative side of divorce statistics and say that approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce. However, it takes wisdom and courage to look at the positive side of that statistic.
The fact is that it still is possible to keep a relationship together for life and to be happy with one person, but if a guy wants to achieve that, he can’t just get a woman and then take her for granted.
In the past, a woman had to stick with a man for life even if she was unhappy, but today’s women are free to break up with or divorce guys who are unable or unwilling to care enough about the relationship to deepen the love, respect and attraction over time.
The way that I look at relationships (I’m now happily married after being a bit of a playboy for 10 years) is that it is possible to stay in love for life, but you’ve got to do it right.
Modern society has stripped men of the right to take a woman for granted and I think that this is a good thing. The fact that a man can now be dumped or divorced by a woman has forced us men to become better, more loving and present men, which is a good thing for us, women and for the world.
If it weren’t for my ex-girlfriend dumping me all those years ago, I wouldn’t have become the man that I am today and I wouldn’t have been able to help so many other guys.
At the time, I hated her for it and called her all sorts of horrible names when she dumped me over the phone. Yet, I am now grateful for the lesson and am using what I’ve learnt to help others.
TTIWIK: What’s the worst conclusion a man can jump to when trying to get to know someone?
DAN:The worst conclusion to jump to is assume that when a woman is playing hard to get or not showing much interest in talking to him, it must mean that she doesn’t like him.
In some cases it does mean that, but in a lot of cases, a woman is simply testing a man to see how confident he really is. Any guy can put on an initial act of being confident when he first approaches a woman so many women instinctively test guys to see how genuine their confidence really is.
TTIWIK: Why do you think a lot of men have forgotten the basics of courting?
DAN: Great question.
I don’t think that men have forgotten the basics of courting. Instead, a lot of guys are simply using an outdated courtship strategy.
Although most women don’t like to admit what I’m about to say now, it has been proven to be correct by several surveys and studies.
For example: A survey by Singles in America found that 55% of couples admitted to having sex on their first date. Another study in Europe discovered that 70% of women admitted to having had a one night stand.
This is not to say that modern women all want to have sex immediately and that it’s just all about sex these days, but statistically speaking, sex happens a lot sooner than most people usually like to admit in public.
If a man wants to be successful at courting a modern woman into a relationship, he needs to be aware that sometimes it will be appropriate to wait a few dates or even longer before getting to anything sexual, but in many cases, sex will happen a lot sooner as a way of taking each other for a “test drive” to see how they both feel.
In the past, a woman couldn’t take a guy for a test drive and see how she felt with him after the initial novelty of being with someone new wore off. Instead, she had to save herself for marriage and would then lose her virginity on the wedding night. Once she got married, she could pretty much rest assured that it wouldn’t end in divorce (e.g. divorce rates in the USA back in 1900 were less than 10%).
However, today’s men and women need to be a lot more picky about who they settle down with. Sure, the first few dates might feel great and the sex might be enjoyable for both of them, but it’s not until a couple has dated for a while before their true colors begin to show.
Before settling down and committing to a relationship, it has almost become necessary for a lot of people to sleep around, gain relationship experience and become the type of person who can make a lifelong relationship or marriage successful.
Of course, some people don’t need to do that and will find their perfect match in school or university and then eventually get married and settle down for life. However, for the majority of people in today’s world, it takes a bit of time to learn from failed relationships and build up experience to get ready to seriously settle down and commit for life.
So, I don’t think it’s a case of men forgetting the basics of courting as much as it is a case of men simply not really knowing what is appropriate with modern women.
If a man asks a woman, she will almost always tell him that she would never sleep with a guy before the first three dates or that she isn’t interested in taking a guy for a test drive, so it’s very confusing for men to see through that and understand that unlike men, it’s still not cool for women to go around talking openly and honestly about their sex life.
For example: I’m sure that some of the women who read this will angrily misinterpret what I’m saying here as me suggesting that all men care about is sex and that women should be more open about being taken for a test drive.
For the record, what I am saying is that most people now go about courtships a lot differently to how they did in the past and many women still aren’t comfortable discussing it openly, which then confuses men.
If you would like to know more, follow Dan on The Modern Man where he shares more tips.
Thanks for all the messages. Please keep me in the loop and let me know if any of the tips provided have worked for you.
Photo Courtesy.
