This is usually what people ask when they are asking someone out for a date, can we meet for a drink? I have this saying, “wine gives you love eyes” it’s something I tell my friends all the time when they think they’re in love after one date. Hell, it’s something I tell myself when I think I like a guy I barely know. It’s horrible to think this, but yeah, the alcohol made you think you love them! I am not against enjoying a delicious glass of wine. As you know I feature wine and cocktails on this site. I like pairing good wine with a good meal.
I talk a lot about love and relationships on here. One of the things I haven’t talked about is drinking and dating culture and why I think building a relationship over drinks isn’t the way to go. I know couples who literally drink together every night even years after dating. I have had friends tell me that they realized they had nothing in common with their significant other when the party was over. That morning coffees together were unbearable. I bet you didn’t think that something like a good bottle of wine could have so much power over your feelings. How you see someone and how you feel about them.
It might have been that road trip you took together that made you ask yourself, what the hell am I doing in this relationship? With this person? Or it might have been that time when you met up with them and didn’t feel like drinking that night. Or maybe you married them and now that real life has settled in you have realized that the only thing truly holding you together is or were those times when you nursed a few beers between the two of you. The thing is, you don’t have to be in the throes of addiction to experience this. This is a modern-day dating culture. Can we meet for a drink? This is the new norm.
The problem is, this isn’t a good way to start any new relationship. Call me an old school girl living in the new school world where everything seems to go but there is something to be said about meeting for an activity or simply a coffee or a stroll in the park. Granted, don’t go anywhere unsafe. What happened to long conversations over the phone and Tuesday nights at the movies? What happened to afternoon dates to your favourite spot? What happened to exploring the city and learning through someone else’s eyes. I am not against the nightlife but I do think there is a time and place for it. I don’t think it works for two people who are just getting to know each other. I know there’s always the exception to the rule but I don’t think this is how real love connections can be forged particularly if this is the only way that you connect.
Of course you can explore new restaurants in the city. For those who don’t like eating alone, going on dates is a good way to try a new restaurant and have someone to share it with. Just hold off on the drinks and fancy cocktail menu. If you must, keep it to one drink max the whole night. Sip your drink don’t chug it and not shots! May sound boring, but once you get in the habit of dating without a filter like alcohol you will actually find it a lot more enjoyable. When you know the person well enough and you decided to finally share a nice bottle of wine between the two of you, you will find that you don’t need liquid courage to loosen up. The alcohol is there but it doesn’t control the show, or you.
Social media has been a driving force when it comes to drinking culture. Of course, it’s possible to enjoy and consume alcohol responsibly. It’s important to recognize what role it plays in your life, your dating life. Do you use it as a shield? To loosen up? I know it’s hard to feel those feelings of anxiety. First dates can be rough. I do think if you push through it, you will discover that some of your past dating decisions, the bad ones, were as a result of not having a clear mind. With a clear mind, our hearts can speak honestly to us. Sometimes our thoughts can convince our heart to feel what isn’t there, particularly when alcohol is involved. Loneliness when mixed with alcohol isn’t a good combination and the two together can lead you into the arms of the wrong lover.
Being conscious, awareness just doesn’t stop where love is concerned. Healthy relationships require a healthy and clear mind. So the next time someone asks you for a drink, do something else, you might be surprised at what you discover.
