Are you currently spending all your free time with someone special? Dinners, late nights, weekend getaways, Sundays all day and dinner with family and friends. You are simply over the moon for them but then it occurs to you, are you in a relationship? As far as you’re concerned this is who you want to be with. Do they feel the same? You haven’t had the “we’re exclusive” conversation but given all of the above, you’re together right?! Are you in a non-relationship relationship?
What It Looks Like
For those who don’t know what a non-relationship relationship is I thought I would give you a little insight. Who knows, you might be in one right now and not realize it. Simply put a non-relationship relationship is a relationship that entails no actual commitment. You pretty much do all the things that “couples do” but it’s not official. As in, he’s not telling his friends or anyone that you’re his girlfriend, you’re just a friend. In a non-relationship relationship, one or both individuals have one foot out the door. Technically, in their minds, they’re still single, which means they aren’t obliged to you.
You might be thinking, isn’t this the same thing as friends with benefits? Not even close. In most friends with benefits scenarios interactions are purely physical; that’s it. No breakfast in bed, cuddle sessions, spending time with friends or family for that matter. You’re in, get your benefit, and then you’re out no questions asked.
This is where things get a little fuzzy for people because when you are in “friends with benefits” situations you both know where you stand. In a non-relationship relationship, you spend a lot of time in the grey area. You create a foundation for what would lead to a relationship or simply be a relationship without it ever happening. It’s definitely a mind fuck. But guess what you put yourself in it. This isn’t what you want? Then speak the fuck up! It’s that simple. If it’s just a good time for a however long for them (until they find someone else), then move on. Don’t stick around hoping and waiting…for what? You don’t want a partner who isn’t sure about you. The one thing that I have learned about love and relationships is that you should be certain.
Caught Up In Your Feelings
I know, you met the family, you’ve shared your hopes and dreams. Long walks, bubble baths and deep conversations. It’s nice to be vulnerable. Don’t worry it’s okay, you haven’t lost anything because you did this with the wrong person. Or maybe they’re not the wrong person, they just aren’t your long-term person. The beauty about this is that you are allowing yourself to experience this type of vulnerability. With that said, you have to know when to move on. It’s time to move on. He/she will never give you what you need. You have fallen in love with the comfortability in this union and this has led you to believe that this is the place for you to land permanently. It’s not.
In this case, this is not your place and this is definitely not your person. Guess what? Don’t worry, they are coming your way. Don’t let this dishearten you. Non-relationship relationships are hard to leave because in most cases a friendship forms, there is a bond there that although it may not be enough for one or both of you if you take a step back and look at things clearly. Not only is it hard to leave the physical comfort of someone else’s presence, you know that you may be leaving this new found confidant and friend behind. If I am honest, I doubt that you will be the type of friends you would like to be once you decide to make things plutonic. This rarely works.
Knowing When To Leave
I would say now, like as you are reading this! Don’t waste your time with the “why aren’t we together conversation”. You’re just not. All the reasons they give you won’t matter. The only reason, which you already know, is that you aren’t getting what you need out of this. This is your answer. I am sorry if you feel blindsided. Everyone has been here before. This comes down to self-love and the loyalty to oneself that’s built with this. You aren’t loving yourself by letting someone love you less than you desire. The happiness you think may exist with them will never be as beautiful as it could be with someone who truly wants to be with you.
Don’t hold on. This love is not worth having. You don’t want to stumble on someone else’s tight rope when you can balance on your own. In this case, unfortunately, and I believe in LOVE, trust me I do, love is not enough. Feelings don’t sustain and nurture good relationships actions do.
