How do you deal with stress? Do you just push past your problems, distracting yourself with other things? Do you have certain tools you use to cope? I learned the hard way that there are healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms. My way of “dealing” with stress was to drink. Are you drinking your stress away? I thought it made me more carefree, where I would sometimes drink to the point of even forgetting I had bigger issues that were actually weighing me down.
I wasn’t a casual drinker, though. I never had a bottle of beer, or a glass of wine, by myself at home. I much preferred a cold soda or some orange juice – things, and tastes, I actually enjoyed. I did drink socially, though. And that often meant I would go too far with it. While blacking out seemed “normal” at that time, like I was “letting loose,” I did it as a way of impressing others with my drinking prowess. It should have been a sign for me that I was taking things too far, especially for someone who likes to feel in control of things.
It all came to a head when I went through a bad nervous breakdown, or adrenal fatigue, over four years ago. While the adrenal fatigue was the physical manifestation of my pumping my body full of what I thought was “liquid courage” (aka poison), and overworking myself so that I didn’t have to think about stress and heartbreak, the spiritual and mental side of things was shown in the absolute isolation I put myself into. I went from being a social butterfly, an event organizer for a major film festival in the city, to being a complete recluse, with bouts of panic and intense anxiety. I couldn’t leave my apartment. I couldn’t go to work. I experienced social anxiety like never before. Because of this, alcohol had to go. It made me realize that drinking was just a way of “fitting in;” if I wasn’t with other people, I didn’t feel the need to drink.
Four years of sobriety is no small feat! You get the nay-sayers, the ones that say “ah you won’t be able to last!” and those that don’t respect your decision. Peer pressure is a real thing, but so is support. I learned that while the decision is all mine, sobriety is made better with support from others. I’m still able to go out with people that drink. They just know how to respect my boundaries.
Luckily, the market has been expanding by introducing different kinds of non-alcoholic versions of some favourites like wine, beer, champagne, gin, and vodka. Mocktails are becoming a big part of “going out” culture (plus you save money). It just shows that if you choose sobriety, you can still participate in the same spaces as your drinking counterparts. And that type of inclusion and acceptance is something I was missing, but have now found.
