Before you get defensive just read this through. There is no insult in this question but if you are offended, maybe it’s time for you to ask yourself – are you choosing to be lonely? I am not talking about extreme cases or about those who are truly helpless both physically and mentally or one or the other. I am talking about you. Yeah, I see you.
One of the things I hear from people a lot is that they are scared to die alone, yet they have been comfortably and knowingly living alone. Creating a lonely space around themselves. They don’t make a positive effort to continuously build connections with the people they know. Nor do they get outside…not just physically, energetically to forge new connections with new people. Their overall energy is uninviting. In their mind, it’s everyone else who’s the problem and they’re just walking around waiting for the “perfect” person or people, like them to make space for them.
Let’s take a quick step back before we go further and dive into the concept of “positive effort'”. Building a connection with someone isn’t supposed to be negative. Spending time with friends or family, the people who you are meant to build a connection with, for the most part, is meant to be an uplifting experience. These people aren’t in your life to unpack your baggage and take your bullshit. Negativity builds nothing. It creates separation and enables isolation. You’re probably one of those people who feels lonely simply because no one can relate to your negativity.
You Are What You Think
The first step for you, recognize that loneliness is a state of mind. Not only will it make you feel isolated but it will repel people from you like mosquito repellent. Do not forget our thoughts create energy. That energy goes out into the world. As poisonous as it is for you. It is for the people who encounter it…you. Put forth a positive effort. Watch your thoughts. Watch your MOUTH. Whenever I encounter someone that’s in a negative state of being, one of the things I notice is that the words that come out of their mouth are toxic. Pay attention to how feelings of loneliness are leading to negative experiences with others. Further, learn how to enjoy your own company. Be the joy you seek.
Loneliness in most cases comes from a feeling of longing for…love, money or the things you currently do not have. You can be a lonely millionaire or you can be a lonely bachelor living in a tiny apartment. The cycle of unmet desires nourishes loneliness and pushes you farther away from feeling connected to who you are, the beauty within you, and others. It’s important to have gratitude. Not just for the material things but simply for breath you take each second. The grass beneath your feet, the sights and sounds of life. The ability to change your life because you can.
Them Vs You
The comparison game is killing you softly. The idea that this is better than that or I am better or more deserving than him, her or them is one of the root causes of your self-imposed loneliness. Be better than you. Strive for the things that are destined for you. Why do you long for what’s not meant for you…or doesn’t want you? We create a void within ourselves as a result of a sense of entitlement and what we believe belongs to us. We then in turn project this out into the world. The rejection from others and not receiving validation makes you feel lonely. This is self-imposed loneliness.
Another contributor is attachment. Seriously, let it go. The desire to be right all the time is a lonely island. No one wants to take up occupancy let alone eat a sandwich with someone like this. There isn’t one way of doing anything, particularly living the human experience, so let it go, just flow and life won’t feel so heavy. Have a vision, but remain open. Visions or dreams are meant to be expansive.
Expand your community. Expand your mind and your soul. Let go of being right so you can create room to grow. When there is growth there is no room for loneliness or the aimless wanting that is married to loneliness that can never be quenched.
When The Soul Is Full
This isn’t about extremes. Yes everyone has a story or has been hurt and blah blah blah. Repeating this story over and over again clearly isn’t helping you. I am not here to invalidate your feelings, to be honest, I simply just don’t care about all the reasons why you are the way you are as much as you do and guess what neither does anyone else. As much as I empathize with you. I understand that pity has never helped anyone. Seeking pity is another form of self-imposed loneliness.
Call it a soul or spirit or nothing at all. Your body is a vessel that carries you through life. You need to find ways to fill up your inner being. I don’t have a how-to step-by-step guide for you. I only know how I work, I don’t know you or where to even start, even a therapist can guide you but it’s really up to you to unlock the magic. Take this as a jumpstart, a little nudge for you to do some self-evaluation. I like to write notes or journal and I also like to take walks in the park to get reconnected. I wake up every day with gratitude and go to bed with gratitude no matter how the day went. I enjoy my own company, therefore, I don’t knowingly spend time with anyone who doesn’t enjoy their own.
It’s really up to you. Are you choosing to be lonely? Do you like spending time with yourself? If you want to fill that void it’s time for you to create joy right now where you are today.
