Are you an angry woman? I wanted to title this are you an Angry BLACK Woman but I knew women who are not black and women who do not identify as a person of colour would have ignored this article. I have noticed this when I post images of black women on the cover of articles that these articles are easily overlooked or have lower readership simply because you see a woman of colour; a black woman. Perhaps, it’s because you feel the subject matter doesn’t pertain to you? But, it does. If you are a black woman you learn very quickly as a child that your expressions of anger or upset will be used against you. The idea that you can express emotions that are beyond being a nurturer, a caregiver or a pillar of strength is not accepted. The expression of angst or anger is looked down upon.
Many of my black friends who endure workplace abuse live in silence. They know that speaking out could mean losing their jobs. All black women also understand that they are waiting for her, for you to get mad. “Oh, there she goes” is often said when a black woman displays any form of anger. Black women are gaslit not just in relationships but in society. Their feelings are not valued nor is their health, their mental health.
Black women are used as a caricature for entertainment. She is called ratchet and ghetto if she talks too loud. Whereas her white female counterparts exhibiting the same behaviour are said to be, “just having fun”. Have you ever had someone come up to you in a restaurant to tell you that you and your friends are talking too loud? This is a common occurrence for many black women who gather for Sunday brunch in restaurants. Black women have to continuously defend themselves from these derogatory racially loaded stereotypes.
The angry black woman label is used as a way to oppress and suppress the feelings of black women. It’s a control tactic used to induce fear and shame. Not only are black women told to be shameful of their skin, bodies and hair, but they are also told that their emotions and feelings beyond what’s allowed are shameful.
If you have ever felt shame or embarrassment for expressing your feelings. Imagine what it’s like walking around year after year suppressing feelings of pain, feelings of hurt and anger? Do you know what that does to the soul, one’s mental health? This is the struggle of black mothers, young black women and little girls around the world. When people say mental health matters, do they think of them? Do you?
One of the things you will notice if ever you have been to a clinic or hospital are the number of black women who are nurses and doctors who provide care for you. Who nurture you back to health and calm your mind. Who is nurturing her? Who is letting her know that it’s okay to cry and that she doesn’t have to be strong all the time? Are you carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? Living in fear for your life, working harder than most to keep your job, while at the same time keeping your feelings in check? A black woman understands, your emotions, if not correctly expressed are not wanted. No one wants an angry black woman. This is part of the problem when we think about inequality and women’s rights. When a black woman gets mad you might say “what has gotten into you…her?”. As if an alien has invaded her body.
When black women marched so women could vote. It took forty-five years before black women who marched beside thousands of white women to be given the right to vote. In 1920, women were awarded the right to vote – excluding black women. It wasn’t until 1965 that black women were awarded the same right. Wouldn’t you be angry? If you are a black woman? Is it right that you fought for something you were not allowed to get access to? That the women you helped turned against you?
This is happening now, where black women fight for the right for women to have full autonomy over there bodies, equal pay, human sex trafficking, the underrepresentation of women in politics or in the justice system. Yet, still, they are left behind. They fight with you, win the fight but are left behind. Wouldn’t you be mad knowing this? That you did the work but didn’t get the credit or benefits? This happens in all facets of life for black women. Yes, she is angry, she has had enough.
Some suffragettes were unwilling to entertain the notion of allowing black women the right to vote.
Georgetown Law Library
Still to this day, in many industries, black women are shunned or tossed aside if they speak out about injustices. There are black influencers and celebrities who live in fear because they are afraid brands will turn their backs on them or it will tarnish their brand, their livelihood. They know the realities of being black women in this world. When the Me Too movement began, black voices were again eclipsed and ignored until they were too loud to look away. Why did it take so long for you to pay attention and see their pain? Hear their stories?
Being a black woman means that you are always fighting. There is no day of rest. You not only fight for yourself you fight for your children, your sons and daughters to receive the best education, to be treated with respect and the right to live. Do you fight for your right to live? Do you fear for your life, your son’s life? Does this haunt you and keep you up at night? If you are a black women it does.
My aim for The Things I Wish I knew will continue to be about sharing life lessons with you. I feel it’s important for you to embrace the experiences and life lessons of ALL people. Sharing life lessons is a way to empower people to live their best lives. The experience of black women is a life lesson for you. You need to know that there are people you see every day who are struggling, it’s not just you…don’t ever make it just about YOU. Find a way to connect so you can build a bridge toward understanding. With this extend yourself the way you would want someone to for you.
Black women are more than just your on-call Oprah. Oprah has Gayle, who are you to her? Breonna Taylor was killed because they didn’t see her as a gentle loving human being. All they saw was an angry black woman who must be silenced.
Happy Birthday Breonna Taylor, she would have been 27 today.
